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Little did we know.

Suddenly at around 3 in the morning a miracle in Defence Colony happened. They got tired and finally got up to leave! I couldn’t believe it. I was beside myself, I think I farted I was so relieved. My body just let go and let out a gigantic tikka masala fart. Karan walked them to the door, as soon as the door closed I ran into the bedroom to alert T. He was fast asleep but got up right away and called his family. He announced to them we were on our way home. They were a little alarmed at the news of our homecoming. T’s father insisted we talk to them. But the decisión was made.

We wanted out of India. We could wait no more. We knew they were not willing to negotiate. And we knew they needed their cut list to finish their film but now it was going to be in our terms. And here comes the part where I say, “Little did we know…” – It’ll make sense in a few pages.

We finished packing and waited for a little bit of light to shine through. Karan insisted, “Get out of Delhi as soon as you can…” Bopping his head in that uncertain way all Indians do. Yes, we will. Trust bitch, we will. As dawn peeked it’s grey colors we jumped in a cab, destination: Canadian High Commission.

As we got in the cab and I said the words, “To the Canadian Embassy please” I knew right away we had jumped on a non-stop trip down the rabbit hole. I looked over at T and said: “You know there’s no turning back now…” - “I know” he replied with certainty in his eye. I thought to myself, It’s on now.

All the what if’s I had ever thought of started flashing in my head like a slideshow in big bright bold letters.

What if they find us?

What if they kill us?

What if they’re following us?

I kept looking back at the cars that were around us, it all started to seem like a Kubrick film with a touch of Irreversible added to it. As we arrived at the embassy, which was highly protected by armed guards, I felt safer. We crossed the threshold of the door and were greeted by a very amicable indian woman in a long exotic saree. Her sweet voice was soothing music to my ears. She handed us a form to fill out with our grievance and said in her sweet unalterable voice: “Please fill out the form with the whole story, thank you pleese, and I shall give it to the proper person tomorrow to see about your case.” In her consular universe nothing ever went wrong. Of course, they fail to communicate to you they have full immunity all over the planet. Reason why they walk around the world with the look of serenity that can only be altered by gas perhaps. TOMORROW!!???

Bitch, we wanna get out of this hell hole TO-DAY! I thought to myself. I didn't actually say it.

The words that came out of my trembling pie hole were a lot tamer. “We were thinking we would leave the country tonight and if possible get an escort from the embassy to take us to the airport in case we run into any trouble” She looked at me with the same unalterable expression of serenity she had before, and bopped her head side to side front to back endlessly. One second I thought she was saying yes, the next second it was no and that shit went on for about 2 minutes. Yes, no, yes no, yes, no….Until finally: “This will not be possible madam...but you may call this 800 number in case anything might happen to you.” Great, call 1800 save my ass from crazy Indians that wanna kill me. Oh thank you! I said. I guess sarcasm is not in their vocabulary as she stared at me blankly and smiled back. I took the 800 number and we walked out of there calmly. We got in cab and waved goodbye to the smiling diplomat and her worldwide immunity. Little did we know.