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Come undone...

Falling apart at the seams, coming undone, opening, letting the crack let the light in. The end of an era, that's what the feeling is right now. Friends falling apart from each other over a stupid shot. -----"Which one did you get? ---None --- Why? You're selfish, you'll kill me. You don't care about anyone but yourself" ----

Hard to argue against a mob of people who have facts backed by TV and news media. But is that what we are? I like to still believe we are human first, above all human. The insane regurgitation of information is exhausting. I think most have become puppets in order to fit into whatever is left of our once ordinary world. Hoping they'll be able to ignore what is happening they line up, obey, get the shot and pray it doesn't kill them. Not them, it's one in a million unlucky ones who die from this right? Or who get their leg cut off because of blood clots, like my friend whose life was forever changed by lining up obediently. His life was turned upside down when all he wanted was his fucking life back. I'm angry. But I'm awake. Anger does that. It slaps you in the face so you can wake up.

God I miss my life before this shitshow. I miss dreaming big about my future, I miss being corny and daydreamy. Now I feel like we have no future at all and I'm on full out Emo mode. Fcuk everything.

I left Los Angeles in a panic. I moved to a small town. It's a beautiful place. I moved here with no goal in mind except for survival. I knew shit was gonna go down, and now it is. My friends are now divided, most of them keep quiet about their preferences, not me. I say what I think. So I get judged for the shit I post. It's ok. I can't pretend. It doesn't feel right. I know there's millions like me.

I don't know how far this is gonna go. Every day it gets worse, now the new iphone won't let you into it unless you're vaccinated. I mean, they're going there. They're taking us where we've never gone before. Not like this. I hope I'm wrong, but I fear I am not.

For now life is like in AA, one day at a time. It's weird because I used to always make plans. I am a make a list of to do's kind of girl. Now my list is limited to today. I used to have goal lists, people I wanted to work with, you know, dreams.

I feel sorry for the new generations, although I think they're oblivious to what's going on. Oblivious to what we are all losing because it's something they never had, freedom, privacy, rights. You know, basic shit.

The info out there is trying to make it like if we comply with all this shit we'll get something back. But we're not. If you comply you get a fucking doughnut. Shit ain't coming back on its own. Friends and families will never be the same. The friends you lose now will be lost for good. And I don't mean because they'll die, although some might.

The fractured friendships won't survive; a division so wide is being crafted between us that we'll be standing on opposite sides of a chasm by the time they're done. We won't even recognize each other anymore. I know I have friends that don't want to see me anymore because of the way I think. I know my dentist won't see me anymore either. I suspect it has something to do with the stuff I say on my instagram.

It's starting to get lonely. But It is what it is. It's sad. It's devastating. I'm in mourning. I hope I'm wrong. I hope I'm so paranoid I need medication.

I already knew freedom came at a cost, growing wings is painful, they tear your back open when they're coming out. It's similar to childbirth.

Not everyone will understand why you are different now or why you're risking "everything" for your freedom, when they think they're the ones that are free now. And they got that donut too, and a joint.

Then again, not everyone can fly.